Smorgasboard (sp?)

Glad to see no one refuted my last post. It would have been bad. For you.

Today in lecture, prof. Anderson decided to write on overheads instead of going with her usual PowerPoint. In the middle of lecture, she stepped back and said "See, this is why I use PowerPoint. My printing sucks. Hey, remember back when you had printing class, and everyone had to print letters over and over until they were perfect? They always made me stay in during recess to do that, because mine was so bad. That was such bullshit! (laughter) Seriously, look what good it did me anyway? Such bullshit."

You know what scares me? Articulate children.

You Better Believe It

For those of you who don't think that "I Would Do Anything for Love" by Meatloaf is the greatest song ever...

I will fight you.

Karma

I've heard a theory that if you pick on a certain group of people, then that's is how your kids will turn out. I think that's absolutely true. If you make fun of the handicapped, your kid will be handicapped. If you make fun of the mentally challenged, your kid will be retarded. If youre a racist, your kid will be black. Simple.

Worst thing ever

The worst thing ever is people singing Happy Birthday to you. Here is a rendition of what is going on in my head during this crap.

"Happy Birthday to you..." (OK, this is awkward)
"Happy Birthday to you..." (Seriously I am feeling a little weird)
"Happy Birthday dear Dan..." (OK, BACK OFF!!! I AM FREAKING OUT!!! I AM SERIOUSLY FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW!!!!)
"Happy Birthday to you" (OK, so what did you assholes bring me?)

Flashback

I just re-read my post from 4/7 and OH MY GOD I AM SO EMO RIGHT NOW.

In a Nutshell...

"I keep my life moving at the speed of totally rad." - Kyle

Brokeback Vespa

Did I say tomorrow? Anyway...

Matt (6'4) bought a Vespa. A bold, efficient purchase. After Compass, Matt offered me a ride. I couldn't say no. I wish I knew how to quit him. I hopped aboard and strapped on my helmet, being sure to put the plastic visor down. Off we went. Let me tell you, it wasa sweet ride. Puttering down the highway for a quarter-mile to our destination (TGI Friday's), drawing gaping looks from all who passed us (and pass us they did), we pulled up to a stoplight. Matt looked left and began to laugh. I glanced over to see a leather-clad man on a Boss Hogg. I gave him a friendly salute, the way bus drivers always did when they passed each other, and it was returned with a solid thumbs-up. I lifted my sweet visor and looked over. "Sweet ride," I shouted. I don't know how we were able to swerve our way into the parking lot after that one.

Big Pimpin' on B.L.A...Son-of-a!!!!!!

The scene was set ever so perfectly. It was 75 degrees out today, the first day of its kind this year. Naturally, every young person in the area flocked to Lake Calhoun to ogle one another. As we were engaged in our volleyballs and frisbees, we would occasionally shift our glances from the opposite gender to the sweet rides circling the parkway. One blue truck, straight out of West Coast Customs, flipped the hydraulics, and a with very loud PFFFFT sank to low-rider status. Hearing this sound, hundreds of us glanced over. At that perfect moment, the slow-moving truck hit a pothole sent by God Himself, and with a resounding crack, the bumper of the truck was now dragging along the ground. Hysterics. Did he stop? Nah, he just rolled by, kept on, pursuin' to the next block, dragging his bumper, along with his ego, across the concrete for all to see, hear, and love.

Tommorow: Brokeback Vespa.

XXY

If Larry the Cable Guy fans get their way, and this gay marriage ban is put into place, there are gonna be some awfully tricky definitions to be made. What makes someone a specific gender?* What if they cut off their pee-pee and trade it for a foo-foo? Hermaphrodites? Etc. etc.?

Here comes Dick, he's wearing a skirt
Here comes Jane, y'know she's sporting a chain
Same hair, revolution
Same build, evolution
Tomorrow who's gonna fuss

And they love each other so
Androgynous
Closer than you know, love each other so
Androgynous

Don't get him wrong and don't get him mad
He might be a father, but he sure ain't a dad
And she don't need advice that'll center her
She's happy with the way she looks
She's happy with her gender

Mirror image, see no damage
See no evil at all
Kewpie dolls and urine stalls
Will be laughed at
The way you're laughed at now

Now, something meets Boy, and something meets Girl
They both look the same
They're overjoyed in this world
Same hair, revolution
Unisex, evolution
Tomorrow who's gonna fuss
And tomorrow Dick is wearing pants
And tomorrow Janie's wearing a dress
Future outcasts and they don't last
And today, the people dress the way that they please
The way they tried to do in the last centuries

And they love each other so
Androgynous
Closer than you know, love each other so
Androgynous

- "Androgynous," The Replacements

*Determination of sex occurs early in fetal development. Female is the default setting, the "on" switch for man-making being the SRY gene located on the Y chromosome. Research has shown that even a translocated SRY gene can in fact be sufficient for normal male development.

Funny

I was at the library today picking up my tax forms. Here in Edina, the library is located just above the senior center. I walked through the senior center to get to the library, and it really is quite nice. Open space, bay windows, the Golf Channel on the TV, and in the display window was a lovely button collection.

Ha. Old people.

Oh, that's nasty.

What is it about discarded, ashen, slobbered-on, carcinogenic trash that smokers don't understand that the rest of us get?

I just read that if the Timberwolves end up with a top ten pick (have one of the worst ten records), their pick goes to another team because of the Sam Cassell deal. Right now we are in fact the tenth worst. Wow.

Overheard in physiology lecture:

Professor Bloom: "What did the elephant say to the naked man?"
Effeminate Male in Lecture about Whose Sexual Orientation I will Allow You to Draw Your Own Conclusions: "What?"
Professor Bloom: "I don't see how you can breathe out of that little thing!"