No, Not Really.

"Should I have a blog?" - Monica Milbert.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Solidarity

I was here, in this country. That makes me a Native American. There are so many ways I could go with this. I could take the high road:

As such, I feel a kinship with all others born and raised here, including our tribal friends.

The low:

So why the hell isn't my head on any totem poles?

The lower:

I want back a percentage of my wampum from my blackjack losses the other night, you *** thieves.

*** < proud to have removed the phrase "firewater-guzzling" from this entry.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Justification

I have delusions of grandeur pretty much every day. Some people call that cocky. I call it ambitious. I usually have these delusions while sitting on the couch watching TV. Some people call that lazy. I call it energy efficient.

The Van Damme Legacy softball squad has their second to last game tonight. Be there or be dumb.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Clever Name

"Health Information Management Services? What do they do?"
"Well, I guess they provide the service of managing different kinds of information regarding peoples' health."
"Oh. I see, that makes sense."
"Yup. Sure does."

People.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Show Love for Harlem

Or else face the wrath...of Muhammad X.

I passed a sign today in my neighborhood which read "Vacation Bible School." I challenge you to come up with three words that belong together even less, though arranged in some sort of sensical order.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Best Headline Ever?

"[Terrell] Owens says he was misquoted in autobiography"

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Blend

Sticking out like a sore thumb can be a good thing, expecially when youre in the middle of a group of dicks. In Ely this weekend (which D-Rok kept intentionally mispronouncing Eli, as in the inventor of the cotton gin, even when he would converse with locals), we found ourselves seeking out what would be "the place to be" on Saturday night. Knowing "the place to be" was indeed not the Kwazy Wabbit, we would inquire whether or not that would be where all the local youths would be gongregating that eve. We were always met with horrified looks and a "No! Thats where the old local drunks hang out." Its awesome. Informed of the local hotspots, we dresseed in our Uptown Best, and hit up the only bars in which we could find anyone remotely interested in a good time, not including the Portage, which was hosting a birthday party, complete with Frito Scoops. We made our way to Cranberries. People under thirty abound! And of the female persuasion! However, our attempts were constantly thwarted by local hooligans and their overprotectiveness. Granted, if I knew 4 women, I'd probably be a little protective of them too. God forbid a group of women our age from Minneapolis should go out to that place....

"HOT DAMN ITS A WOMAN!!!"

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

bang

"WOOOoooooo.....WINGBAPBOOMPAPZOW!!!"
"BEEEEUUUUUuuuuu.....CRACKITTY CRACK-CRACK POW!!!"
"SSSSsssss........PAM!!!!"
"WWWWEEEEEEEeeeeeeee.......pop (You suck)."
"zeeeeEEEEEEEP.............WOPP....popplewhipbingbapchikkanak"

These are the things fireworks say.

Happy Birthday, Old Friend.

Look, I know we haven't gotten along at times. But I hope you have a good birthday. God bless America, and all those who sneeze.