Witness this.

So solve this little mystery: Jahovah's witness can accept organ donations, but not blood transfusions. Now, I'm all for a little faith (an intricate part of religion), but it doesn't hurt to have some basic reasoning skills to go along with it.

Double Trouble (Nerdy!)

So most buildings have two sets of doors in the entryway. A huge problem arises any time I follow someone through these doors. They hold the first set open, and of course I mutter a liitle thanks. Then comes the immediate second set. Again, door is briefly held open. I hate this moment. Does this person get another thank you? I say no, if for no other reason than if I'm the one holding them open I don't have to acknowledge two consecutive thank yous.

Note-taking 101

If production of, say, cortisol is blocked, cholesterol, its progenitor, has its production increased. This leads to increased production of other cholesterol derivatives (steroids), such as aldosterone, which functions primarily in Na(+) regulation, and androstenedione, which in females can lead to masculinization, and in males can lead to more home runs.

They work on so many levels!

If you want to know what two words supplied Phil and I with an endless supply of jokes senior year, simply click on his name (he left a comment on the last entry) and read the name of his blog that does not exist. That's one. See if you can guess the other.

P.S. how the flip does blogspot spellcheck not recognize the word "blog?"
P.S.S. is there anything more annoying than people who write P.S.S.?

Death Becomes You

Let's get one thing straight. Chances are, if you're reading this blog, I know who you are, and I know where you live. A lot of the things I post on this blog are for humor's sake. Jokes, if you will. Let me assure you that what I am about to tell you is no joke.

If any of you (and I mean anybody, no free passes here) goes to see the Larry the Cable Guy movie, I will kill you.

Thanks for listening.

My Next Ex-Wife

My love for Natalie Portman can only be expressed in song. Particularly, this song.

Oh Dear...

Perhaps the guiltiest laugh I've ever had comes this week, courtesy of The Onion

"Philippine Mud Wins in Landslide"

Stupidest Word Ever

You know what another word for undisclosed is? Closed.

Top Ten Ways to Mispronounce "Kirby Puckett"

From Letterman, May 9, 1997

10. Kooby Pickett

9. Creepy Pockets

8. Bernie Crumpet

7. Turkey Bucket

6. Buddy Hackett

5. The Puckett Formerly Known as Kirby

4. Punky Brewster

3. Kent Hrbek

2. There once was a man from Nantucket who Kirbied his very own Puckett

1. Englepuck Kirbydink

To My Childhood Idol and Hero

"But most will remember this sad day as the day the proudest, most noble man they ever knew finally fell. For those who loved him -- one who would call him husband, one who would be his pal, or those who would call him son -- this is the darkest day they could ever imagine. They raised him to be a hero: to know the value of sacrifice, to know the value of life. And for those who served with Superman in the protection of all life comes the shock of a failure: the weight of being too late to help. For a city to live, a man had given his all and more. But it's too late. For this is the day that a Superman died."

My submission to ESPN SportsNation's "Memories of Kirby" tonight:
Quick, name the player that commentarors say "really reminds" them of Kirby Puckett. You can't do it, because there are none. Kirby was one of a kind. Cheered at away games and beloved at home, there will never be another like him. I guess all I can say is: "And we'll see ya...tomorrow night!!!"

My letter to espn.com published here:
Kirby's game-winning, fist-pumping, chubby-hustling home run is the greatest moment ever. The fact the guy actually took the first three pitches was unforgettable. One of the greatest players of all time, has one of the greatest games of all time, in Game 6 to force a Game 7 ... c'mon, no doubt that this would be a top five moment if anyone from New York were involved.
Dan Signorelli
Edina, Min.

www.startribune.com for a good tribute.

It's Hard Out Here for Morgan Freeman

Did anyone watch the Oscars tonight? I just checked the winner's list, and saw that "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp" won the award for Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures. What I want to know is who read the winner from the envelope for that one, because the potential for awkwardness and hilarity is pretty much sky-high.

Rock and Roll, Part Too Young

(Drums)
Gunka-chunka gunka-chunka gunka-chunka gunka chunk
(guitar)
Daaaaa, da-daaaaa, da-daaaaaa
Dut-dut daaaaaa, da-daaaaaa, da-daaaaa
Dut-dut daaaa, da-daaaaaa, da-daaaAAAAA, DA-DAAAAAA.........

Da na na na na naaaa na!
HEY! You're a perv.
Da na na na na naaaa na!
HEY! You're a perv.

(If anyone refutes that these are in fact the lyrics to Rock & Roll, Part 2, you are dumb.)

savory savior

You know what the best part about Easter is? Jelly beans. And I'm including the birth of the savior in this analysis. Though I haven't decided if Starburst or Jolly Rancher jelly beans are preferable. On another note, how did we get from Jesus, to a rabbit, to jelly eggs? How I do love commercialism.

Still Killing Me

The Vikings have the most room under the salary cap by $2.2 million. The next three teams are seperated by $0.8 million. 13 teams are over the cap (including Oakland, who is $26 million over, and still without a QB who can get the ball to Moss, who I think is going to be strandedin Oakland like KG is in Minnesota). So basically, what I'm asking here is, DO SOMETHING!!! Sign somebody, anybody!!! A linebacker MIGHT HELP. And I don't think THE Orginal Whizzinator and Mewelde are going to get it done next year. If we don't make two major signings this offseason I'm pointing a finger squarely at Zygi.